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  • (Slinkman is in the driver's seat of the camp bus to take the Bean Scouts home)
  • Slinkman: Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself here, Scoutmaster Lumpus?
  • Lumpus: Don't worry about me, Slinkman. I'll finally get some rest, relaxation, and some much needed pampering.
  • Slinkman: Well, all right Happy Halloween, sir.
  • Lumpus: Yeah. Happy Hallow... Whatever. Have a safe trip away from here, all of you adorable little creatures... of the Black Lagoon. (Sighs) Finally! (He boards up the camp gates and aligns the woods with signs reading, "Camp Closed," Summers Over," "Go away!", and "Turn back!" as he runs back into his office, singing) I adore Halloween, oh, yes I do. But not for the things that go boo! When the scouts have all gone home, leaving this moose all alone to relax on Halloween like grown-ups do. I deserve to be pampered in every single way. All alone in the woods. Am I scared? No way! This executive routine takes a break on Halloween! (Spoken) Thank the season those Jelly Beans aren't around! (Singing) I adore Halloween, oh, yes I do. I adore Halloween. Oh, yes. I do! (Goes back into his office after trying to unlock the door)
  • Lazlo: (Turning the lights on and off) Ooh! Spooky! Very Halloweeny!
  • Raj: (Hiding under the bed) Lazlo, don't you think we should have gone home with the other bean scouts?
  • Lazlo: (Walks over to the bed) What? And miss out on spending Halloween at Camp Kidney and Prickley Pines? They don't know what they're missing.
  • Raj: What exactally are they missing?
  • Lazlo: Only the chance to dress up in scary costumes and march through the woods from house to house, walking up to the porch with the winds a-howling... (He whips the blanket off of Raj, waves it, and imitates the sound of wind blowing. He wraps it around his body like a cape) Knocking on the door and reciting the three magic words.
  • Raj: M-m-magic words?
  • Lazlo: (Flashes at Raj) Trick or treat!
  • (Clam pops his head out of a traffic cone)
  • Clam: Trick or treat!
  • Raj: Then what? Then what?
  • Lazlo: Then they give us candy.
  • Raj: (Whimpers, then stops) Candy?
  • Lazlo: All-you-can-eat gumdrops, Sugar Smithies, Frosted Fizzies, caramel apples, and chocolate bunnies.
  • Raj: Chocolate bunnies?
  • Lazlo: Halloween bunnies.
  • Raj: Oh, I love Halloween bunnies!
  • Lazlo: But you must believe in Halloween. For those who don't believe will get tourmented by the curse of the Halloween Spirit!
  • Raj: What does the curse look like?
  • Lazlo: Like a scary monster or something.
  • Raj: Oh. I do believe!
  • Clam: Believe!
  • (Inside his office, Lumpus is preparing his relaxation time. He turns on a radio, lights candles, and pours himself a glass of ginger ale)
  • Lumpus: Ah. Start with some calming music, a little mood lighting, some bubbly from my private stock of ginger ale... (He kisses the bottle of ginger ale) Hello, Ginger. And le piece de resistiance... (He opens a drawer to his file cabinet, revealing many pieces of candy) All the confiscated candy from the past year. Organized neatly by month, of course. The motherload! (A few pieces of candy fall out of his hands, leaving one candy bar behind) Ooh. This'll do. (He gives himself an oatmeal facial mask) Mmmm... Oatmeal. (He places two cucumber slices on his eyelids) Oatmeal salad. (Laughs) Okay. Let's see how calm this moose can get. (He folds the chair back, but in the wrong way) No. (He tries again) No. (He tries the third time) No. (Finally, the chair folds in the right spot, sighs) My happy place.
  • Radio Announcer: And that was a haunting melody for all of you Halloween ghouls out there.
  • Lumpus: Eh. Halloween is for the birds.
  • (Suddenly, there's a thunderclap and rain pours down)
  • Lumpus: Thats Funny. I don't remember rain in the forecast.
  • Weatherman: Rain is in the forecast.
  • Lumpus: Be quiet! (Suddenly, the lights go out) Hopping Edison! What happened to the lights? Oh, well, I guess I'll be safe in the dark. Me and my sugary little pal here. (He unwraps a candy bar and is about to bite into it when he hears a knock at his door.) Who's there? I'm not expecting anyone. (Outside, he hears giggling. Panicking, he opens the door to see Raj wrapped in toilet paper, Lazlo with a toilet plunger on his head, corks in his ears, a pillow over his body, and snowshoes on his feet, and Clam, wearing a lavender bathrobe with a traffic cone on his head, holding a mop and sitting in a cleaning bucket. Lumpus screams)
  • Jelly Beans: Trick or Treat!
  • (Lumpus stammers)
  • Lazlo: Scary costume.
  • Lumpus: Huh?
  • Lazlo: We have scary costumes, too.
  • Raj: Ooooo... I'm a mummy!
  • Lazlo: Frankenstein!
  • Clam: Scary traffic cone!
  • Lumpus: Huh?
  • Clam: Uh... A witch!
  • Lumpus: No, no, no, no no! You are not really here! Go away, whoever you are! (He slams the door)
  • Raj: No...candy?
  • Lazlo: Oh, well. I guess we'll have to find another house. A house with candy.
  • Clam: Yeah, yeah. Candy!
  • (They walk around until they arrive at the same house they were at before)
  • Lazlo: Hey Look! There's a house.
  • Clam: Goody good!
  • Raj: I hope they have candy!
  • (Inside his office, Lumpus is taking a bath)
  • Lumpus: Get ahold of yourself. You must be seeing things. Bean Scouts get on the bus. Bean Scouts go home. Bean Scouts come and knock on my door. Very confusing! Okay. Just forget about it. Try to relax and eat another yummy treat. (He slides a candy bar up to him and is about to eat it when there's another knock at his door. He opens it showing the Bean Scouts again)
  • Lazlo, Raj, and Clam: Trick or Treat!
  • Lumpus: Leave me alone! You are not real! (He slams the door again. This time, it slams on Lazlo's fake leg)
  • Lazlo: Aah! My leg!
  • (Lumpus screams. He opens the door. Lazlo holds up his fake leg)
  • Lazlo: Hey, lady. Can we have some candy?
  • Lumpus: Wait a minute. You are real! I can smell your evil nature!
  • Raj: We can smell you, too, and you smell like chocolate.
  • Lumpus: You shouldn't be smelling me! You shouldn't even be here! We don't believe in Halloween around here!
  • Lazlo: Well, okay. Because as long as you know that for those who don't believe in Halloween will get tourmented by the curse of the Halloween Spirit until they do.
  • Lumpus: (Mimicking Lazlo) "The curse of the Halloween Spirit..." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! All I believe is that you mutants should leave me alone! (He slams the door)
  • Lazlo: Let's go, you guys We'll Find Another House! (They go around in a circle, arriving at the same place they were at before. Meanwhile Inside his office, Lumpus, resting in a sleeping bag, and is reading a magazine)
  • Lumpus: We won't let those nasty little Bean Scouts ruin our fun. Won't we, my little caramel filled buddy? Lazlo Here We Go The Lights Are On Here (This Time There's a knock at the door again) Oh. What is it this time ! (He opens the door)
  • Jelly Beans: Trick or Treat!
  • Lumpus: Eh... think again! (He slams the door and walks away, but comes back when the Jelly Beans knock on the door)
  • Jelly Beans: Trick or treat!
  • Lumpus: Go away! (Slams the door and walks away. Jelly Beans knock on the door again and slams the door) Lazlo All Right Lets keep on going, fellas. Raj Do you ever notice that people who live in the mountains look a lot alike? (They knock on Lumpus' door) Trick or treat!
  • Lumpus: No!
  • (He twists his body up. And whenever the Jelly Beans shout "Trick or Treat!", he shouts "No!" and slams the door multiple times)
  • Raj: (Outside door) ...Treat!
  • (Lumpus walks away when the Jelly Beans knock on the door again)
  • Jelly Beans: Trick or Treat!
  • Lumpus: Please! Go away!
  • Lazlo: But we're trick-or-treating. And so far tonight, nobody's given us any treats.
  • Lumpus: Well, I am not. Well, actually, I am going to give you boys a little treat. Just wait right there, my little goblets.
  • (Lazlo, Raj, and Clam cheer. Later As they walk into Lumpus' office, Lumpus closes the door)
  • Lumpus: I'm going to scare the jelly out of those beans.
  • Lazlo: Hello? We're ready now.
  • Clam: Hello?
  • Lazlo: We're ready for our...
  • Raj: Treats.
  • (Just around the corner, they notice Lumpus' drawer filled with candy)
  • All: Wow! Treats!

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